I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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