How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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