im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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