This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
