It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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