I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
