I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
