Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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