i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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