He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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