My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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