Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You need Xanax blowdarts
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
