it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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