i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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