I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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