I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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