just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
