ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
