Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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