Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
