If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
