Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
