I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
