Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
