she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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