Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
