dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
