My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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