Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
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We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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