We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
