you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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