Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
