I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
