So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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