Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
