I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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