remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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