walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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