is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
