I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
