He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
