end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
