Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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