life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
