It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
