So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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