so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
