he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
