I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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