I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
