Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
