Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
