Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
