We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
