I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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