Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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