I just made out with a guy for $7.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
