If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
