I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
