I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
