I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
