he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize