Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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