i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
