From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
