Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
