I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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