Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
