I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
