I just made out with a guy for $7.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
